Self on Soccer: Day 5 - Time to face the music. Can we meet Academy standards?

With only two days left we had one serious hurdle to navigate. A coaching session assessment held by Paul Heffer at the training ground. A trip home lay in wait for me later in the day, plus the prospect of a pitch side visit of Upton Park during the West Ham v Liverpool game. I felt like a kid again with a dentist appointment looming ahead. Not even the promise of tea with the Queen to receive a knighthood immediately after a visit to Mr. Keane, the Irishman with a drill was enough to ease my pain.

So, how did the day work out?

Breakfast - a lovely cup of tea and still had the same view from the window.

We met for a smashing ride through Newham for the Chadwell Heath training ground. Assessment time. Previous plans had been for our group to pair up and coach Academy players. Unfortunately, the weather meant all outdoor work was called off which left us working within our group. My plan for success was scuppered - I figured I just needed to offer the players some kind of bribe and get them to do what they normally do and I would wave my hands about shouting key phrases such as:
- drive
- check your shoulder
- play off your back foot
Then asking them what they thought they needed to do and agreeing with them. Plenty of praise, use some cones etc etc. My only issue was the nature of the bribe, assuming anything in the sale at the club store would be received badly. It got me thinking about the relationship between a successful bribe (for an 11 year old) and the decade in which it was offered.

Using my long 41 year life it may look like this:
In the 70's - nothing, if my dad said do it I did
In the 80's - a finger of fudge
In the 90's - a finger of fudge and a wagonwheel
In the 00's - the above plus a jaffa cake

Now, I grew up in England. So I shall make the US conversion:
In the 70's - $50
In the 80's - $50 and the promise of a car when 16
In the 90's - a Jon Bon Jovi full hairstyling
In the 00's - a BMW

So without plan A available I went for plan B.
'offer to run a warm up then rotate into a complex drill which sounds great even if no one has any bloody idea what is going on'

It worked. I was done and the other guys followed. All survived even with the experienced eye of Paul Heffer upon us. His feedback was excellent. Here are three points coaches out there may want to consider:
1) Beware familiarity. Just because you use the drill a lot doesn't mean you coach it well.
2) Check you language. An instruction may be obvious to you but not a child.
3) Save the laughs till the end - if at all. You'll lose them if you ease back on the player-coach relationship too early in a session.

Ironically the hardest part was getting the job done as the senior coaches prepared to work with the first team and reserves. You (well, I) always have these OMG moments as senior players walk past. Sorry, I just love West Ham United.

We wondered about and discussed then big game v Liverpool. I noticed Scott Parker meeting with Avram Grant immediately before their training starts. Last stand? The Liverpool game has a lot at stake. Oh, got to say hi to Freddie Sears. Surreal, especially as we are all wearing West Ham coaching jackets etc.

We moved Inside for Paul's last session with us on defensive 4 and midfield 4 adjustment. Magic stuff. Dishes and waves - it's simple and Paul took us through a number of scenarios. Then it is time for West Ham United Academy Diploma Certificates. We have made it. Mark sums up the week with a comment re the honor as a coach of being coached by the best of the best.

The coaches left for stadium - it's a free afternoon. I'm off to mum & dad's house in Essex. I grabbed a ride with Paul home for a night with my parents and spent some time sitting in the coaching office as Nick Paul and the staff make changes to tomorrow's youth games v Chelsea. Some games are being moved to Cobham as The home pitches are waterlogged. Kevin Keene, Wally Downes and the gang are eating a spot of lunch in the canteen after senior training. Again, surreal. Killing some time in the parking lot is like a 'best of top gear' line up - Ferrari Porsche Bentley Aston-Martin Audi and even cars in 'stealth black'

I am keeping a low profile - I want to be allowed back next year.

Home in Essex means roast dinner and hugs. Lovely to see mum and dad. My old mate Dave popped round for a chat - we used to play in the street together for years. This is the hole under the Barnes' fence when the ball went over...