Squeeze the bottle Ronnie...

My Dad had a mate called Ronnie. He liked the sauce and especially vino. When Ronnie was pouring he would hold the bottle upside down and give it a little shake as if to tempt the last few desperate drops out. Ronnie's mum would screech "squeeze the bottle, Ronnie" - which never fails to make me chuckle.

Why squeeze? How many times have we heard that from the dugout. Coaches screaming at their back 4 (defenders) to push up. It's all about space and what you leave the opposition to play in if you sit back. A slack defensive line failing to push up as play moves through midfield into the opponents half leaves a massive gap between your own midfield and defence. Result - opponents play into that space and have the room to receive, turn and run at you like nutters. Might as well lay down and offer to lick their boots as they stick it in the top corner.

Sounds simple. You'd be amazed at how many coaches here rely on the '4 kids standing aimlessly 5 yards outside the penalty area' - "no son, I told you to stay there - and wait for them to steamroller over you...."

You know a story's coming...

1994 - Essex U19 Cup Final at Grays Athletic. Not a pretty spot at the best of times. Grays is aptly named and only a stones throw from quintessential crap holes such as Tilbury, Dagenham and Thurrock. The game was SEEVIC v Coopers (I think) - a SEEVIC team that would go on to play Chesterfield College at Chesterfield FC in the U19 English Schools Cup Final. I mean, the two best school teams in the country and I'm sitting on the bench assisting head Coach Martin Tucker. Center forward? Neil Harris - Millwall FC etc. See the link to read about his career. A legend. Back to the game. Half time, and it's a tight 0-0 scoreline and the only joy so far was created by Harris, who stood on the bench in the dressing room in a pair of speedo undies singing (ghetto style) "yo, fellas, you wiv' me". Half time and one simple change - back four playing too deep in the first 45 - so they push up and squeeze the game. SEEVIC go on to win that game 3-0 and become Essex Champions for the third time in a row. That was fortunate really - we held the cup for the previous two years and the Head of PE at the time, Reg Simmons, had only bothered to get the cup engraved for the last two years that morning. But he hadn't bothered to wait for the result - simply went ahead and got the third win written on the cup - before the game kicked off. I mean, you're 'aving a bubble...

I would be leading you astray if I didn't now mention cockney rhyming slang. It's an east-end (of London) tradition, a long story and tricky to explain, but let's simplify by saying its a code that rhymes the second word in a two 'worder' with your key word having ignored the first word..
For example (and one I still use)  'butchers'   - butchers hook = look - in a sentence: "I'll go 'ave a butchers" So, bubble would be bubble bath = laugh. And playing a game with the county cup in my hands knowing our name was already on it was clearly a 'Tony'. You work it out.

Still we won. Thank you Neil Harris et al. The celebrations that followed that victory were mediorce in comparison with those after playing in Chesterfield. Many bottles were 'squeezed' that night. Fabulous. Shame the bill for damages to the hotel was so high. Oh well, boys will be boys.