2013 New Season. Ted Lasso rocks...

Can you hear the Tottenham sing? Noooo, nooo...

The Hammers knocked out a 2:0 win at home versus newly promoted Cardiff today. If, and that’s a hefty ‘if’ I was one of those stats kinda guys I’d go back and find the last time the Irons won on day one of the new season, scoring 2 goals and not conceding as well. Thanks to the Welsh boys - I love leeks. Just sayin’

Backtrack. It’s been a while, so I’ll give you an update of the last, ah, well, not sure but it seems like a long time. Let’s bullet point to simplify:

• I still am a West Ham United supporter and the tattoo has not worn off.

• Ted Lasso really needs to be the Spurs manager. Really. That would ‘complete me’.

• The triplets and Lexi are all driving Nascar and love the Irons, hate Millwall and Blackburn (no idea why they hate Blackburn - they call Millwall ‘mealworms’).

• I have a new job. I teach the 30%+ of urban Hoosiers who never completed High School. Because of that new job - I was not able to attend the West Ham United International Academy National Camp - I missed my friends Paul & Rae.

• I don’t coach Indiana HS soccer any more. Thank God. Story to follow.....

• I watched 2 of the first 4 players for Man Utd walk out at Swansea today and thought, oh yes, that’s right, products of the WHU Academy.

2:0 - that M4 is a bloody long road.....

Current update - last month or so. Just to appear to be all ‘current affairs’:

• I really want Ted Lasso to really become Spurs’ manager.

• I’m trying to believe that Stewart Downing is going to be magic for the Irons.

• I was always dubious about going to Egypt, but the trip is now definitely off.

• I now work with a Brazilian guy who has never seen Star Wars. This was tremendously hard for me to a) hear, b) believe. Even worse: He has never heard of Darth Vader. I mean, never heard of - what do they watch in Brazil at the movies?

• Henry, my son likes baseball. I’m buying him a season ticket for Port Vale in an attempt to demonstrate sport can be fun. That, or a few weeks watching paint dry.

Future update - or projected activities for the coming months:

• Ted Lasso becomes Spurs manager and they get relegated to the Conference.

• Darth Vader becomes US President - oh, that’s right, if Hilary Clinton wins we’ll have that already.

• I am now connected with the Indianapolis Haitian community and therefore my French will bloom from ‘ridiculously crap’ to United Nations translator standard. Well, there’ll be improvement at least.

• NBC actually shows the Hammers on their main channel playing someone like Liverpool and the boys smash 7 past them.

OK, thoughts on the first Saturday of the 2013 Premier League Season.

• Arsenal. Oh dear. It’s Villa, I mean, Aston Villa. Really?

• Paulo. Oh dear. It’s Fulham, I mean, Fulham. Really?

• Swansea should spend a week or so on marking and trying to avoid giving space to the Premier Leagues’ most prolific scorer - Rick Van Persie.

• West Ham - smashing. Third at the end of the first day - and without Carroll, who will cause everyone problems. Ironically, and if you wish to review my “Lawro” score system, he predicted a 2:0 win for the Irons. Phil McNulty has them finishing 8th - wow. Maybe the BBC has a policy of ‘be nice to West Ham’ following my texts / comments and tweets questioning their sanity.

• Palace, Hull and Cardiff - you’re all going back down this year.

• Indianapolis has a new soccer club - Indy Eleven. Fantastic - can’t wait.

OK - so there it is. A brief recap and reintroduction to the blob. Feel free to comment, I’ve got $20 on Palace beating Spurs this Sunday. It would be 12:0 to the Eagles is Ted Lasso was coaching....

Oh, if you haven't - you need to watch this....

 


Cheers,
Matt

Hammers moving Home.

Well it’s about time.

I’m sitting here catching up with UEFA Champions League games and every time a team (Barca, PSG, B.Munich) do something special I cannot help but say...”ah, but wait until you play West Ham in the Olympic Stadium”,

So, I’ll start here with the future. West Ham United, that mediocre east London team will move into a “re-vamped” 60,000 seater stadium in three years time.

Being true to my roots, I’ll present two realities for you.
The east end ‘glass is half empty about to be bombed’ perspective - left...
 

 
 The ‘peter pan’ glass is half full and Spurs get relegated’ perspective. Right...



Right. After a couple of years while Spurs wasted money legally challenging the possibility of the Hammers moving home, and Barry Hearn complaining that Leyton Orient will cease to exist given an Iron’s Olympic move so really should either have the stadium or share with West Ham; the Irons have secured a 99 year lease. Lord Coe may be a little annoyed at the stadium including a sport other than ‘athletics’ - still, let’s face it, if Lord Coe was coaching he’d have the lot on the beach in white shorts / shirts and running to a Vangelis soundtrack. 

Smashing workout

Let’s review the scenario with each lens.

“The East-end ‘glass is half empty and about to be bombed’ perspective.
The reason the Hammers haven’t won at Anfield for 50 years is exactly the concept we present here. It’s bound to happen. When we play someone (for example, QPR, who despite a spending spree and the leadership of dear Harry Rednapp) who are shocking and desperate for 3 points - you can bet West Ham will help them out. If you rearrange the letters in “West Ham United” it spells “having a rough time, well come over and we’ll make you a nice cup of tea as you pop to the bathroom and nick the 600 quid in the top drawer”. The crowd are so intense, playing at home becomes a disadvantage because they have such high expectations. NOW, before I move on, let’s define “high expectations”. Spurs, for example, think that they are a top 3 - champions league team. however, without Gareth Bale - they have more in common with an Austin Allegro. 

Britain's ugliest car.

Also, when the chance of moving grounds and expanding fan capacity came around, the Hammers fans had a number of “bound to happen” scenarios to help them prep for the inevitable failure to make the move to the Olympic Stadium. They include:
1) Bloody Spurs will spend a lifetime in the courts about it.
2) We’ll get relegated to the Scottish League 3 and only have 4 fans watching.
3) Barry Hearn’s mouth will take up about 50,000 of the seating space.
4) The Queen and James Bond will drop down and steal the show again.
5) West Ham fans will all develop claustrophilia because the stadium is so big.

The ‘peter pan’ glass is half full and Spurs get relegated perspective.
West Ham supporters are scared of the team winning. Even though we love the odd victory here and there, a lifetime of struggle defines us. So, what if? 60,000 supporters makes a difference. Of course, everyone says ‘they can’t fill it’ but given 35,000 nutters fill up Upton Park each week without any parking and a dodgy walk from the train station down Green Street - Olympic standard parking and public transport should make a difference. Rayleigh, the town I grew up in has around 60,000 people living there and would be 35 minutes from the stadium by train, safely. So what if things really worked out?

1) We could let an extra 5,000 Spurs fan come and still beat them.
2) Leyton Orient simply wouldn’t turn up if we drew them at home in the FA Cup.

3) People in China would support West Ham.
4) President Obama and The Queen (both Hammers fans) would swing by.
5) A sudden increase in people wanting Hammers tattoos.

Interestingly, I wonder how the acoustics will be? I read that Man Utd are employing an acoustic engineer to explain why fans on one side cannot hear the other side. Classic - so not only does Fergie control the FA, the amount of time added to the end of the game, dodgy penalty claims but also now the use of technology to artificially increase the sound of their crowd. So, given we are explain things, here are some reasons why the Old Trafford crowd cannot hear each other:
1) They can’t sing.
2) They don’t sing.
3) They are deaf and or mute.
4) They are blinded by the glare off Sir Bobby’s head.
5) They are too busy scooping up a prawn that fell out of their sandwich.

OK. I’ll stop at 5.

Next week - I’ll talk about this below. Fabulous story.

 




Cheers.