Self on Soccer: 2013 New Season. Ted Lasso rocks...

Can you hear the Tottenham sing? Noooo, nooo...

The Hammers knocked out a 2:0 win at home versus newly promoted Cardiff today. If, and that’s a hefty ‘if’ I was one of those stats kinda guys I’d go back and find the last time the Irons won on day one of the new season, scoring 2 goals and not conceding as well. Thanks to the Welsh boys - I love leeks. Just sayin’

Backtrack. It’s been a while, so I’ll give you an update of the last, ah, well, not sure but it seems like a long time. Let’s bullet point to simplify:

I still am a West Ham United supporter and the tattoo has not worn off.

Ted Lasso really needs to be the Spurs manager. Really. That would ‘complete me’.

The triplets and Lexi are all driving Nascar and love the Irons, hate Millwall and Blackburn (no idea why they hate Blackburn - they call Millwall ‘mealworms’).

I have a new job. I teach the 30%+ of urban Hoosiers who never completed High School. Because of that new job - I was not able to attend the West Ham United International Academy National Camp - I missed my friends Paul & Rae.

I don’t coach Indiana HS soccer any more. Thank God. Story to follow.....

I watched 2 of the first 4 players for Man Utd walk out at Swansea today and thought, oh yes, that’s right, products of the WHU Academy.

2:0 - that M4 is a bloody long road.....

Current update - last month or so. Just to appear to be all ‘current affairs’:

I really want Ted Lasso to really become Spurs’ manager.

I’m trying to believe that Stewart Downing is going to be magic for the Irons.

I was always dubious about going to Egypt, but the trip is now definitely off.

I now work with a Brazilian guy who has never seen Star Wars. This was tremendously hard for me to a) hear, b) believe. Even worse: He has never heard of Darth Vader. I mean, never heard of - what do they watch in Brazil at the movies?

Henry, my son likes baseball. I’m buying him a season ticket for Port Vale in an attempt to demonstrate sport can be fun. That, or a few weeks watching paint dry.

Future update - or projected activities for the coming months:

Ted Lasso becomes Spurs manager and they get relegated to the Conference.

Darth Vader becomes US President - oh, that’s right, if Hilary Clinton wins we’ll have that already.

I am now connected with the Indianapolis Haitian community and therefore my French will bloom from ‘ridiculously crap’ to United Nations translator standard. Well, there’ll be improvement at least.

NBC actually shows the Hammers on their main channel playing someone like Liverpool and the boys smash 7 past them.

OK, thoughts on the first Saturday of the 2013 Premier League Season.

Arsenal. Oh dear. It’s Villa, I mean, Aston Villa. Really?

Paulo. Oh dear. It’s Fulham, I mean, Fulham. Really?

Swansea should spend a week or so on marking and trying to avoid giving space to the Premier Leagues’ most prolific scorer - Rick Van Persie.

West Ham - smashing. Third at the end of the first day - and without Carroll, who will cause everyone problems. Ironically, and if you wish to review my “Lawro” score system, he predicted a 2:0 win for the Irons. Phil McNulty has them finishing 8th - wow. Maybe the BBC has a policy of ‘be nice to West Ham’ following my texts / comments and tweets questioning their sanity.

Palace, Hull and Cardiff - you’re all going back down this year.

Indianapolis has a new soccer club - Indy Eleven. Fantastic - can’t wait.

OK - so there it is. A brief recap and reintroduction to the blob. Feel free to comment, I’ve got $20 on Palace beating Spurs this Sunday. It would be 12:0 to the Eagles is Ted Lasso was coaching....

Oh, if you haven't - you need to watch this....