Self on Soccer

West Ham United… Seriously?

A 3 part story - like Downton Abbey without Mr Carson and tea at 4pm...

Part 1 - Before the game: Hammers v Cardiff

As the unhappy Hammers prepare for a massive game away at Cardiff (the Welsh equivalent to Millwall), us jaded supporters are looking back on a week of daily analysis, prediction and abuse. In a nutshell, and this is my personal view, three groups are casting their opinion on the Hammers.

The Press

PhilMcNulty of BBC Sport claimed he was choosing his words carefully when he described West Ham’s performance against Man City as pathetic. It is a wonderful week of news opportunity when a premier league club fall so far and so quickly. Also, the opportunity to cast judgment one of England’s more consistent managers, Big Sam. The Press are the group that are rejoicing in the chance to tell us what is wrong and how it should be fixed. As McNulty did, blaming apathetic players and a Manager who has made questionable decisions having lost ‘the dressing room’, is their option. Bottom line: their stories sell newspapers. Nobody gets excited to read a back page story entitled “Big Sam will be fine”. Of course, the added element of a $4 million payoff to sack Alladyce is a reporters dream.

The Pundits and Players

Well actually, I see two groups within this one. Those pundits who write for newspapers, websites etc like Robbie Savage are knocking on the door of the press. You could argue it is both easy to pick West Ham apart and predict Alladyce will be sacked. Supporting him would put the pundit in the position of actually being wrong and doing so in print. I think that is why Lawro predicts each Premier League game as 2:0, he never takes any chances. Side note: a thousand thanks to Stallone and de Niro for showing the prediction game up as what it is – just a laugh. The second group here are the players and coaches who have worked with Alladyce, or at least are in the game and know it inside out. Their opinion, mostly, is that Alladyce is the man to get the Hammers outof trouble and with another manager in place, Big Sam would be what you need to get you out of trouble. Also, the lack of defensive players through injury and the infamous absence of Andy Carroll. Defensively, West Ham kept 11 clean sheets with Reid and Collins at the back. Reid was voted ‘Hammer of the Year’ last season. The clean sheets did not help given the lack of goals being scored at the other end…Andy, where are you?

The Supporters

I have, historically been critical of the speed at which West Ham supporters whine, complain and demand their money back after each poor performance. I do this as I, like my family, have lived with the ‘fortunes always hiding’ mentality of the old east end. My grandfather lived in a ‘2 up 2 down’ terrace house on Wakefield Street and survived. If anyone deserved a little luck, he did. Supporting a team like the Irons teaches us many valuable lessons; one being you have to take the rough with the smooth. Being based in the US does not allow me the opportunity to be a season ticket holder and given that I understand the frustration of supporters with deep pockets who follow the team around the country. I understand the frustration of a 5 hour drive home on a cold and wet night with nothing to show for the money spent. Still, I do my fair bit to promote the club abroad and there are many people who will never be able to set foot on our fair isle who sport a Hammers shirt or can recall stories of Moore, Hurst, Brooking etc. You’d be surprised how many people haveheard, in some way, of West Ham United across the planet. The posts on thisblog alone have been read in 40 countries and around 40,000 times. BUT, bottom line, whining skinny eastenders drive me nuts. As obsessed as I am about the club, it seems many individuals make fair use of social media to rant and rave their diatribe multiple times a day. My theory: you have a choice on how to spend your hard earned British pound. We, and they, may be ‘West Ham till we die’ but supporting them may actually be the death of us!

So….. Which ever way you look at it the Happy Hammers have their backs against the wall. Time to move on to Part 2…

Part 2 Hammers v Cardiff.....

Saturday. Not any ordinary day as today is the day the Irons play Cardiff, who in my opinion are Millwall in disguise. 7:45 and I am watching Hull v Chelsea. Hull’s team warming up look decent, Jose looks nearly as sexy as George Clooney and I am left thinking, this is Kingston upon bloody Hull – I mean, nearly as shite a location as Kings Lynn or Grimsby. Luckily, Chelsea are playing Luis in midfield, which is a bit like a hybrid of Coco the Clown and Colombia’s Valderama being given the job of protecting President Obama. He is shite, Luis that is and that is funny.

Departure for Bloomington, Indiana re family funeral. The Irons kick off, 4,000 miles away on route. Demel gets carried off. Oh dear, here we go, still, everything sits at 0-0 as I struggle to drive and read the live updates from the BBC Sport website. Lawro has predicted a 2-0 to Cardiff (what a huge surprise – he went to a school that never counted higher than 2).

We hit the Church. 20 minutes gone on the game. We stand for another 19 minutes in the line for the calling and I see the second dead body of my life. Drew Stewart was a 81 year old Vet who everybody loved. The chuch is packed, so much the line has to be disbanded to get the show on the road. I am sitting in a Church for only the second time in a year. Carlton Cole scores. Amen.

The Queen and Obama are supporters - why not God?

Lexi, our 2 year old ‘wunderbabe’ decides the church atmos is a little to quiet and pumps up the volume. Jill takes her out and I stay. I have a family member on one side and a stranger on the other. A dead guy in a flagged draped coffin is 10 feet in front of me and we singing ‘Amazing Grace’. We pray. It is actually really moving and I feel God’s eye on me as I check the score on an iPhone cleverly placed between leg and coat. Eventually I see the light. God doesn’t want me to spend time here worrying about the score, he wants me to join the other and celebrate the life of a good man. So, I do it – just let go and trust things will be ok. After a quick prayer for family and club the show is over. Mark Noble scores. It’s over and all is well in a Kingdom of Green Street.

Part 3 FA Cup 4th Round Weekend...

It’s a great weekend for the Hammers: we don’t play. Having lost at home to Pard’s lot, the chance for a 2 week gap and loads of returning players (to fitness) and a couple of –eye-talians we’ve picked up might shed a ray of hope. City finished us off like a crème brulee with a 0-3 defeat at home – 0-9 on aggregate. FA Cup time. Watford were so very close to a real upset and I am annoyed because my “Man Utd getting nothing and Man City winning everything – serves you right Fergie and Coco” attitude has fallen like a house of cards. Watford really had no chance. No one does. Given a finite number of great players and the fact that a handful of teams in each countries European league can afford to have squads of 40+, there really are not many other players available for the rest. Man City’s coach, Pelicangreedy doesn’t want to let his 4^th choice center-back, Lescott, go to the Irons. I guess he is worried a meteorite is going to take out his first choice defenders and he’ll have to resort to JL and a dustbin to keep out Elton’s north London army. It’s depressing. Talk, a few years ago, was of the possible shift of 4/5 English teams to a European League leaving the rest of us to contend for national and local pride. It would really only take Arsenal out of West Ham’s range, and let’s face it, Spurs would stay in England as they are like a hailstorm – very short and with insurance, you’re covered. Is losing the top teams a good thing? I always thought so, but when City turn up and reduce everyone to dust I am not so sure. If UEFA really had the balls to move back to a previous decade we could limit the number of European players and also the non-english ownership of clubs. It goes against European law, yet makes sense. After my curiosity re the US system of draft selection and salary capping in the US, I really think it has some mileage. Who wants to support a team who always lose unless they are in a league they can win, because no one cares. Sounds a bit like the life of a Millwall, or dare I say it, a Shrimpers (Southend Utd) supporter.