Oops, I did it again...

So much for therapy, yoga and medication.

Saturday's game versus a local HS rival brought the red mist flooding back. Oops, I did it again. So part of this blog is my attempt to exorcise the devil in me - but I can explain (see - by using the but word I am going to totally justify everything). The 'but' word drives me mad - it's like when someone apologizes for something yet quickly follows that apology with but - and then explains why it really was someone/thing else's fault. Classics include...
"I know I need to get my head on that one, but the sun was in my eyes"
"It was a terrible tackle, but he was asking for it"
"I know I lost the plot, but my medication is wearing off"
Oh, and then we'll stick a few school options in.
"I'm sorry I didn't do my homework, but my hamster has hemorrhoids"
"I know I mustn't hit her, but she made a crass comment about the cut of my jacket"
Here is the ultimate but......"but he started it...."

And so we segway nicely into yesterday's game. Just quickly - segways... I'm not a fan. So the local mall has security on segways. Right. That's sending a powerful message to the criminal world of the midwest. I can see it now, man runs out out Kays with a fistful of cubic zicornia as the alarm echos down the south end of the mall. A couple of retiree walkers in overly chunky and excessively white 'sketchers that get you fit' are knocked aside as Dirty Harry screeches around the corner...on a segway. A dramatic cop n' robber chase ensues. The segway, a 1970 Pontiac, red with a white flash down the side screams past Taylors and gives another pointless cell phone protective thingy booth flying. The jewel bearing thug takes a sharp right into Old Navy and cunningly stands with the ethnically balanced manekins in the entrance. Harry, 'avec une segway' rolls in and stops. The extra 9 inches of elevation a segway offers gives Harry that presence that even flipflops for $2 can't muster. A bead of sweat runs down thugs temple. We'll call him Jose after Jose Mourinho. Just because Mourinho always looks so miserable he is clearly in need of some attention. The segway's 'single drop of sweat' detector picks it up and Jose is undone. Linen pants, cotton tees, 2 for $15, and a gum ball style machine with bouncy balls are all trashed as the chase rolls through the store line hurricane irene. A back of store exit provides Jose with his only escape. A sharp exit out back and into Jose's Chevy Lumina (the 3.1L white with claret trim version) and it peels out of the parking lot with a segway in pursuit. Police wait at the next junction of I465 with tire nail thingies and big fat guns. A small child cries as the distressing unpredictability of life starts to unravel before him.

That child clearly isn't a West Ham fan. unpredictability is the very essence of the Hammers. Watford 4-0 - then a sketchy 2-2 draw at home to Leeds followed by a 1-2 defeat by lowly Aldershot Town in the Carling Cup. Praying for magic at Forest today. I hoping Big Sam has waved the big stick and the boys will be back on track.

Sorry, where was I..? 


Ah. The game yesterday. So without addtional commentary here is the conversation with the ref. Know this - we have the lead even though our lad fouled the keeper to score. The ref's given me grief for not replacing a player quickly enough when issuing a yellow card. I have reminded him that this is not Real Madrid v Barca as he now blows for every single form of contact. So again from me...
me - "let them play, it's not Real v Barca"
him - "are they the only 2 cities you know?"  (somewhat obnoxiously)
me - "no, where are you from then?"
The opposition coach chewed him out at halftime and he then walked over to our entire bench and lost it claiming if anyone said anything else (no-one had spoken) he would eject them. 
It's all fine until one of the opposition players darts into the penalty area and dives as he is tackled. Everyone knows it. Not the ref. Penalty. 1-1. 5 minutes later were 2-1 down and the entire game is turned on it's head. Of course, my settled and calm approach is replaced with a number of pointless rants, three that come to mind are:
numerous times - 'is that a another penalty etc etc you know it was a dive...'
'telling me own AD to stop telling me what to do - the ref can give me a card if he wants'
'reminding the 4 coaches and entire bench that it was a dive, the lad is cheating, which sucks especially as I play soccer every week with that players dad.'
Oh crap. The last one I am really ashamed about, especially now as I am being reminded by their coach, great guy and passionate like me, to try to be classy.
I'll be writing to their team, coaches and friend Mark to apologize. 


We lost yet played well for at least half the game. Their second goal was simply a combination of good play and panicking in our defense. I am left asking myself if I lost us the game. Does the ref make a better decision if we all leave him alone? Do our players feel the increased level of stress and get pushed over the edge thus making mistakes? Soccer is about turning points. With 12 minutes left we had rotated our midfield, re-grouped after a period of pressure from the opposition and were looking good. One dive and a penalty turns the game on it's head. We lose 2-1 for the second year running and I am left embarrassed and needing to apologize to the visiting team.


So I saw this job opportunity - it might be time for a short vacation and a new start. Turns out the local mall needs a security guard. Job comes with segway training too. Nice.

3 Hammer fans and one on the way - Week 1 of the HS Soccer Season

The week in review - oh joy!

West Ham have back to back away games. That hasn't happened for at least 4 years. After a 0-1 win at Doncaster, the lads crushed Watford 0-4 midweek. Lovely - hence the Elton John post. The Irons play Leeds at home this Sunday and a win puts us right back in the top 4 of the Championship. Despite fears that Big Sam (who actually signs his weekly email to supporters like that - good man) knows what he is doing. Nolan really has stepped into his role as captain and led from the front. O'Brien scores a wonder goal and the lads are confident and playing good football. Tomkins looks outstanding - I wonder how long the media will take to catch on to that. Interested to see what Carew can add. Is that simply strength and an aerial threat (although he has great feet) or a sign Cole is on he way out? We'll see. Leeds is one of 3 visiting teams the Police has to worry about - them, Cardiff and you know who...  

Triplets at 5 weeks - COYI...!!!!!!!!!!!

We bought a house, have a baby on the way currently the size of an avocado and I dreamed I could play lead guitar. The house is great - looking forward to painting the 3 car garage door claret and blue stripes. The baby is getting bigger - and is already a Hammers fan. That'll make 4 additional supporters I am personally responsible for. I reckon I deserve a 'key to the club' for that - (hope your reading Ben). Hannah, Ella and Henry are up for it - they sing bubbles etc and have visited the ground. Every game on TV they ask "are West Ham winning" - even if it's Wolves v Villa - I always say yes. Apparently I also can play lead guitar and you can name any song and I'll play it. Seriously. It's like I was hit by lightning or something. So last night I am dreaming I had a guitar and a crowd of people are naming songs. I play and 'bingo' we're off. Even songs I have never heard before worked. It was classic and it actually dawned on me in the dream this was going to work whatever happened - it was the point I pumped out the opening bars to 'Juke Box Hero' that I realized. Even managed to grab someones specs for a decent Elton John cameo. I've never dreamt of playing for West Ham - but did once dream I was up front for 'West' Germany and couldn't do a thing wrong. I was the BMW of strikers. Only had that dream once.....


The Gryphon's soccer season got underway, albeit with a splutter. Anderson Prep cried off the JV game - gutted. Park Tudor stuck 6 past our Varsity yesterday. Analysis in a mo. I am immune to defeat though - honestly. Of course as a Hammers fan you live the 'just like my dreams they fade and die' mantra. Indianapolis (where I now live) is too blue - all Cots fans. There is no banter about the weekends results. More and more kids at ISI are supporting teams and I love it - it's back to the good old days of having to take it when your team gets stuffed and dish it out in return. Arsenal fans beware - hopefully Spurs too....

My immunity to defeat is through playing experience. The first Sunday team I played for lost their first 3 games 0-13  0-14  0-15. I was center back (clearly the reason for defeat). My mate Dave would remember those days. We didn't score till December - its all in an early blog about Rayleigh Olympiads. Losing to Park Tudor is annoying only because everyone else thinks our season is about beating them - it's a local derby and I suspect our annual game in some way represents the entire school against them - as if it represents the difference between us. I'd rather not play them at all. Based on yesterday and past experiences I'll throw some differences out. My views, of course......


I'm not sure about them - but we have a squad of 28 players from 160 students. That's 28 boys from 160 mixed. The fact we are competitive is fabulous


Three of our 28 play for a external soccer club. So of the varsity squad of 17, 14 players haven't played a competitive 11-a-side game since October 2010. 


That point has an impact on this one. If you have a squad for 3 months a year only, what's the balance of ball work, team structure and fitness? Indiana is famously notorious for '2-a-days' - 2 practices through the month of August. It should be banned. The IHSSA want to ban the use of cell phones stripey soccer shirts but let coaches crush players physically. It must have become like this due to the compact season, which they have controlled. There is no triple jump in Indiana at high school level. Track coaches told me that was due to the injuries. Not surprised there boys - seeing as you want your athletes training twice a day.


If you are a parent please take a look at this site for 'Osgood-Schlatters Disease'.
These are not my knees - but I have the lumps below my patella simply from playing soccer on the playground everyday. It never hurt enough to stop me but it is one of the classic 'overuse' injuries.






Also, while we have a physiological spot here - please get all your kids' coaches to read this. It is not new news - we reacted to this information several years ago. Park Tudor need to change their warm up routine.

Stretching appears to acutely decrease muscle-force production capacity," its authors write, citing decreased leg-press performance, vertical jumping height, knee-extensor concentric torque, and maximum plantar flexion torque, which "remained depressed even 60 minutes after the stretching routine."  

OK, back to the analysis. Despite an early error in defense / GK communication letting one in, we play very well for 25 minutes. Then the show is over. Why? How much do we attribute to a lack of match fitness and a lack of determination - 50-50? What is sure is this - the carrot of playing in a English Youth Academy is far more effective than High School. West Ham's youth players don't run endless sprints or laps. But, of course, they are a select group who physically and psychologically can meet the demands - and are motivated to do so. That desire doesn't exist in yet at ISI. A few are passionate about playing - but how many of my players were out before August 1st getting themselves in shape? Not many. Can the drills and practices be executed at game pace? Of course. Are they doing it in practice? No. 

Do I find myself, ironically, with a justification for '2-a-days'? To counter student apathy? Maybe - I do know my mates and I didn't bother with running mile on end or weight training. We just played. That was how we got fit. We played all year round - that was how we got good. 

I guess there is the solution. In a really big school with 3,000 students you have many who specialize. We don't and most play 3 seasons through necessity and school pride. Last year we beat one of Indiana's largest schools, Ben Davis. 

3,500+ versus our 160. 

So it's back to the David and Goliath stories...

Elton John, sing us a song, sing us a song...

Apologies for the lack of weekend blog. School has started. So now my quiet hallways have a bunch of over-enthusiastic and super language speaking students banging up and down.


It wasn't until earlier today that the theme of my blog dawned on me - and I'm hoping to entertain you a little. Firstly some updates....

1) ISI Gryphon Soccer is officially into it's 3rd week. We play a JV game in Anderson Thursday and away at Park 'really, was your school built around the time when Henry VIII was on the throne?' Tudor on Saturday at 11am. Come watch. Corner of 71st and College. The lads are doing OK - fitness is worrying but the touches are coming back. We'll see...

2) The Hammers are back in business. After bossing Cardiff on opening day and then letting one slip in in the 89th min - they have been on the road and grabbed 6 points. a 0-1 win at Doncaster and a 0-4 drubbing at Watford tonight. Sorry Elton.

3) Joey Barton. He must be mates with Jason Statham. Maybe he should play for Watford.

4) Me on TV again.....

OK. Let's get on with the show. Now, to protect my professionalism I am going to refrain from formally mentioning the official 'organization' I was working with while completing an 'online' coaching / rules interpretation blah blah thingy today. But to be honest with you after 90 minutes of answering questions and soaking up beaurocratic administration of soccer I am worried. Worried that I might clean my teeth with an illegal toothpaste on match-day or wear the wrong kind of underpants for a game because they don't carry the official bloody stamp of the Pope etc. In a nutshell I am trying to decide if what I did today is more officious yet mind-blowingly ridiculous than say, Vogons or the former Soviet Union.


So let's get on with it. Here is what I can do / cannot do this season while coaching and a few other gems thrown in....


a) Use a cell phone. 
I mean - like I am going to twitter how crap the refs are? Oh, I was going to . How about my iphone4? I video a bunch of stuff. I am now worried the use of my former crackberry to explain the 'offside' rule has permeated the inner sanctum of 'the organization'. Please check an earlier blog for the full majesty of that one. Oh by the way - it's isisoccer if you want to follow matchday tweets and selfonsoccer for random tweets and abuse. I'll be using bad language.


b) Play in anything other than white at home.
So, is this some kind of puritanical 'purification' of all soccer teams when playing at home? Yes, it easier for the ref - however based on my 'blackberry' incident it stands to reason that most refs cant ref anyway. Yes, that's right. We're the team in the boring white strip while 500 screaming fans wave boring white scarves etc etc. Cos every other soccer team on the planet wear their full colors when playing away. Oh they don't. Sorry.


c) Keep the keeper on after he receives treatment during a game.
That's right. My one keeper, Kiyan for the Varsity Team has to come off if he receives treatment during the game. OK refs - any thoughts on that one. I'll ask the refs what they intend to do when we play. I name one keeper. Once again, because the rest of the planet does this - oh they don't. Again.


d) Have a big count down at the end of the game. 
So soccer is meant to flow. Everywhere else the ref controls the timing - if the full 80 or 90 minutes is up while an attack is in progress the ref will let it be completed. Here - the commentator counts the last 10 seconds down regardless. It's moronic and pointless especially when you are 0-1 down. 


e) Cannot play on a Sunday. Or practice.
Hello. This sounds a little biblesque to me. OK - maybe in the past coaches (probably in Football - the egg version and BBall) have pushed their players to the limit. So take Sunday off! Right. Give them a rest. This is an organization who in one hand controls when players can play and practice and yet in the other gives no formal advice on how long or how often (in one day) a team should practice. So maybe I'm Jewish. Sunday's are good for me - Saturday is the problem. Not so B'shert me thinks.


f) Cannot coach 'inter-mural' sports during the official season
You have to be joking. It's all sounding like a bunch of rules to ensure no-one gets good at soccer. I'll need to go back and check that again. So , like am I allowed to do my job each day - teach PE? Maybe I should hide under the desk and sleep between practices.


g) Cannot have stripes that are not 'predominantly dark'.
This really is frigging classic. So in Indiana, Newcastle United would be stuffed. The white strips on their kit is too wide. Heaven's it's the same width as the black stripes - how devilish! I am sure there is a really important reason why this is the case. It escapes me for now, however.


h) Coaches have to carry a magicians hat and keep a white bunny ready for action.
OK - I made that up. It would be fun though and a good distraction when the ref was being a spanner.



So, here are my suggestions for a positive step forward....

1) Let us wear club colors at home. Let us celebrate who we are with our supporters.
2) Educate ex-players to be refs. 
3) Sort out the bully coaches who shout crap for 80 minutes.
4) Let the game flow - refs can manage the time.
5) Let us coach who we want when we want - all year. 
6) Have leagues. Sectionals are OK - but not alone.
7) Ban '2 a days' - it is illegal in the UK in any decent soccer club.
8) Educate your supporters and kick out idiot parents who have no idea what they are saying.


Right. There we go. 
Sorted.