A game of two halves....and surviving in between

Sadly, the drastic improvement in results at Upton Park came to a screeching halt last weekend. Since spending a week in London, the Hammers had improved and only lost unfairly away at Stoke in the FA Cup. But all loyal fans will say the 3 points taken from Stoke a week earlier were far more important...

So, as I am putting the players through their paces at the Indianapolis Regional West Ham United International Academy Camp - Mike is keeping quiet because the Red Devils are banging in 4.

The day started well - picked up Mike as Mark Noble scores from the penalty spot. Just a little while longer and the iphone whistles at me - 2:0 Hammers. Halftime approaches and all is well in the world. Attending a West Ham Camp? Well, of course you would seeing as we have scored 6 goals and conceded 0 v Man Utd at home this year.

A lot can happen at halftime. You can wait ages for a cup of watery bovril, take a bite of a steaming cornish pastie then drop the rest, stand uselessly next to 53 other men all trying to pee, miss the kick off and then the only goal West Ham are destined to score that night.

Something clearly happened that night at halftime. Man Utd came back and scored 4. Fergie came down from his directors box seat (having been banned again for mis-conduct) with an especially revved up hairdryer and ripped his players apart. (Ferguson is known as the ‘hair dryer’ due to the effect he has on you when explaining to your face why he is not happy).

The story is simple. When you need the 3pts and your beating a team, again, no one expects you to beat, it all falls apart. West Ham, in an attempt to hold the lead sat too deep and allowed the opposition to play. It’s like this “so boys, what we’ll do is all hide in our penalty box and hope they don’t find our goal”. I’ll liken it to standing really still when a Tyrannosaurus Rex is looking at you, cos’ he might not notice you are there”. Thanks Jurassic Park for that pearl. 65 million years renders the theory defunct.

I guess the point is you can’t sit deep and expect to get away with it - especially against world class players. No, get out there and play your game. Maybe attack is the best form of defense. It definitely makes sense to have the ball if you don’t want them to score. Hiding the ball up your jersey isn’t going to help. Oh well. Forever West Ham.

So instead of sulking, I’ll share this. On the subject of halftime, and for that matter, 53 men trying to pee in the bathroom, I have listed the 5 worse mens bathrooms in England (well, maybe Chicago too).

5: The Crooked Billet, Leigh-on-Sea - outside loo battered by cockle bed winter wind
4: A bar somewhere in Lincoln Park, Chicago - bathroom, what bathroom?
3: Edward Francis School boys toilet, Rayleigh. After Alistair went.
2: Southend-on-Sea public bathrooms by the Arches - a stainless steel hellhole with no seats and a pungent smell that scientists cannot recreate.

1: Wrigley Field - a double walled cattle style trough the entire crowd can fit in. It’s so long that smal waves form when the wind picks up off the lake. You also have no chance of escaping without stepping in about 4,000 other people’s urine.


Sorry, hope you are not eating lunch while reading.

New blog tomorrow with the story of the Indianapolis West Ham United International Academy Camp. Really exciting stuff, balls, cones, kids, dinosaurs...