2013 New Season. Ted Lasso rocks...

Can you hear the Tottenham sing? Noooo, nooo...

The Hammers knocked out a 2:0 win at home versus newly promoted Cardiff today. If, and that’s a hefty ‘if’ I was one of those stats kinda guys I’d go back and find the last time the Irons won on day one of the new season, scoring 2 goals and not conceding as well. Thanks to the Welsh boys - I love leeks. Just sayin’

Backtrack. It’s been a while, so I’ll give you an update of the last, ah, well, not sure but it seems like a long time. Let’s bullet point to simplify:

• I still am a West Ham United supporter and the tattoo has not worn off.

• Ted Lasso really needs to be the Spurs manager. Really. That would ‘complete me’.

• The triplets and Lexi are all driving Nascar and love the Irons, hate Millwall and Blackburn (no idea why they hate Blackburn - they call Millwall ‘mealworms’).

• I have a new job. I teach the 30%+ of urban Hoosiers who never completed High School. Because of that new job - I was not able to attend the West Ham United International Academy National Camp - I missed my friends Paul & Rae.

• I don’t coach Indiana HS soccer any more. Thank God. Story to follow.....

• I watched 2 of the first 4 players for Man Utd walk out at Swansea today and thought, oh yes, that’s right, products of the WHU Academy.

2:0 - that M4 is a bloody long road.....

Current update - last month or so. Just to appear to be all ‘current affairs’:

• I really want Ted Lasso to really become Spurs’ manager.

• I’m trying to believe that Stewart Downing is going to be magic for the Irons.

• I was always dubious about going to Egypt, but the trip is now definitely off.

• I now work with a Brazilian guy who has never seen Star Wars. This was tremendously hard for me to a) hear, b) believe. Even worse: He has never heard of Darth Vader. I mean, never heard of - what do they watch in Brazil at the movies?

• Henry, my son likes baseball. I’m buying him a season ticket for Port Vale in an attempt to demonstrate sport can be fun. That, or a few weeks watching paint dry.

Future update - or projected activities for the coming months:

• Ted Lasso becomes Spurs manager and they get relegated to the Conference.

• Darth Vader becomes US President - oh, that’s right, if Hilary Clinton wins we’ll have that already.

• I am now connected with the Indianapolis Haitian community and therefore my French will bloom from ‘ridiculously crap’ to United Nations translator standard. Well, there’ll be improvement at least.

• NBC actually shows the Hammers on their main channel playing someone like Liverpool and the boys smash 7 past them.

OK, thoughts on the first Saturday of the 2013 Premier League Season.

• Arsenal. Oh dear. It’s Villa, I mean, Aston Villa. Really?

• Paulo. Oh dear. It’s Fulham, I mean, Fulham. Really?

• Swansea should spend a week or so on marking and trying to avoid giving space to the Premier Leagues’ most prolific scorer - Rick Van Persie.

• West Ham - smashing. Third at the end of the first day - and without Carroll, who will cause everyone problems. Ironically, and if you wish to review my “Lawro” score system, he predicted a 2:0 win for the Irons. Phil McNulty has them finishing 8th - wow. Maybe the BBC has a policy of ‘be nice to West Ham’ following my texts / comments and tweets questioning their sanity.

• Palace, Hull and Cardiff - you’re all going back down this year.

• Indianapolis has a new soccer club - Indy Eleven. Fantastic - can’t wait.

OK - so there it is. A brief recap and reintroduction to the blob. Feel free to comment, I’ve got $20 on Palace beating Spurs this Sunday. It would be 12:0 to the Eagles is Ted Lasso was coaching....

Oh, if you haven't - you need to watch this....

 


Cheers,
Matt

Hammers moving Home.

Well it’s about time.

I’m sitting here catching up with UEFA Champions League games and every time a team (Barca, PSG, B.Munich) do something special I cannot help but say...”ah, but wait until you play West Ham in the Olympic Stadium”,

So, I’ll start here with the future. West Ham United, that mediocre east London team will move into a “re-vamped” 60,000 seater stadium in three years time.

Being true to my roots, I’ll present two realities for you.
The east end ‘glass is half empty about to be bombed’ perspective - left...
 

 
 The ‘peter pan’ glass is half full and Spurs get relegated’ perspective. Right...



Right. After a couple of years while Spurs wasted money legally challenging the possibility of the Hammers moving home, and Barry Hearn complaining that Leyton Orient will cease to exist given an Iron’s Olympic move so really should either have the stadium or share with West Ham; the Irons have secured a 99 year lease. Lord Coe may be a little annoyed at the stadium including a sport other than ‘athletics’ - still, let’s face it, if Lord Coe was coaching he’d have the lot on the beach in white shorts / shirts and running to a Vangelis soundtrack. 

Smashing workout

Let’s review the scenario with each lens.

“The East-end ‘glass is half empty and about to be bombed’ perspective.
The reason the Hammers haven’t won at Anfield for 50 years is exactly the concept we present here. It’s bound to happen. When we play someone (for example, QPR, who despite a spending spree and the leadership of dear Harry Rednapp) who are shocking and desperate for 3 points - you can bet West Ham will help them out. If you rearrange the letters in “West Ham United” it spells “having a rough time, well come over and we’ll make you a nice cup of tea as you pop to the bathroom and nick the 600 quid in the top drawer”. The crowd are so intense, playing at home becomes a disadvantage because they have such high expectations. NOW, before I move on, let’s define “high expectations”. Spurs, for example, think that they are a top 3 - champions league team. however, without Gareth Bale - they have more in common with an Austin Allegro. 

Britain's ugliest car.

Also, when the chance of moving grounds and expanding fan capacity came around, the Hammers fans had a number of “bound to happen” scenarios to help them prep for the inevitable failure to make the move to the Olympic Stadium. They include:
1) Bloody Spurs will spend a lifetime in the courts about it.
2) We’ll get relegated to the Scottish League 3 and only have 4 fans watching.
3) Barry Hearn’s mouth will take up about 50,000 of the seating space.
4) The Queen and James Bond will drop down and steal the show again.
5) West Ham fans will all develop claustrophilia because the stadium is so big.

The ‘peter pan’ glass is half full and Spurs get relegated perspective.
West Ham supporters are scared of the team winning. Even though we love the odd victory here and there, a lifetime of struggle defines us. So, what if? 60,000 supporters makes a difference. Of course, everyone says ‘they can’t fill it’ but given 35,000 nutters fill up Upton Park each week without any parking and a dodgy walk from the train station down Green Street - Olympic standard parking and public transport should make a difference. Rayleigh, the town I grew up in has around 60,000 people living there and would be 35 minutes from the stadium by train, safely. So what if things really worked out?

1) We could let an extra 5,000 Spurs fan come and still beat them.
2) Leyton Orient simply wouldn’t turn up if we drew them at home in the FA Cup.

3) People in China would support West Ham.
4) President Obama and The Queen (both Hammers fans) would swing by.
5) A sudden increase in people wanting Hammers tattoos.

Interestingly, I wonder how the acoustics will be? I read that Man Utd are employing an acoustic engineer to explain why fans on one side cannot hear the other side. Classic - so not only does Fergie control the FA, the amount of time added to the end of the game, dodgy penalty claims but also now the use of technology to artificially increase the sound of their crowd. So, given we are explain things, here are some reasons why the Old Trafford crowd cannot hear each other:
1) They can’t sing.
2) They don’t sing.
3) They are deaf and or mute.
4) They are blinded by the glare off Sir Bobby’s head.
5) They are too busy scooping up a prawn that fell out of their sandwich.

OK. I’ll stop at 5.

Next week - I’ll talk about this below. Fabulous story.

 




Cheers.

BBC off the Menu for 2013 -

Boycotting BBC Sport



We're back on blogspot - Wordpress wanted money for me to wipe my nose. Sorry. Home again!
Sharing this as the first post on the new site. Sticking here now.   Matt

Pointless? Probably. But here is the evidence, and having watched loads of Law & Order episodes I can tell you this would stand up in any court...dum dum. Yes, I know they are a media organization and have overheads to cover. But there is a steady decline into ‘tabloidesque’ reporting which has grown exponentially since the BBC switched to use of advertising on their websites. Basically, the trashy stories they offer are what the average mug reads standing at the bus stop. It reminds me of the back page of the Sun or Mirror.
So, my four reasons for writing:
1) Stories of no significance - yet getting everyone pumped up and arguing.


While writing this yesterday I see Daniel Sturridge, now at Liverpool, has claimed he is at the biggest club in England. Another pointless story like the following, from the ‘F Files’:

Ferguson claims Spurs poached Zeki Fryers from them.
Ferguson calls Alan Pardew a ‘hypocrite’
Ferguson states cameramen at training is ridiculous.
Ferguson not panicking about Rio Ferdinand’s contractual status.
Ferguson lamenting his own future.
Ferguson calling his own team ‘champions’.
All these over the space of about 4 days, apart from the Dec 28th Pardew comment. Everyday - come one!!!

2) Lawro’s weekly predictions.

Firstly, we must remember his loyalty to Liverpool FC. Jaded somewhat with time and reality, yet  in interstellar terms equivalent to say, a small black hole in our solar system that ensures slightly larger heads (than the average human) at NASA are scratched due to unforeseen orbital satellite anomalies.
In short, he is bias. I guess he is one of the many too busy 'Being Liverpool'.
Lawro clearly had a ‘I love the number 2 week’ for these predictions. So - his first - actual second - my comment third.   Games as of January 1st / 2nd 2013:
West Brom v Fulham  2-0    1-2    
Shocker,  a loss for ex Liverpool coach Clarke’s new club.
Man City v Stoke  2-0    3-0
 Yawn..... poor old Stoke. They need a billionaire too. We all do.
Swansea v Aston Villa  2-0    2-2
 Villa’s error here? Wearing claret and blue - Lawro thinks they are West Ham.
Tottenham v Reading  2-0    3-1
  Another incredible prediction. Hopefully AVB celebrated with a pie. He’s a tad too skinny for me.
West Ham v Norwich  2-1   2-1
 It’s a bloody miracle. He predicts a win and the Irons do. He must hate mustard.
Wigan v Man Utd  0-2   0-4
 Wow, that must have been tough. Now what did Fergie complain about that day?
Southampton v Arsenal  0-2   1-1
 Mmmmm, is Terry Neill still in charge? Maybe Liam Brady was injured.
Chelsea v QPR  2-0    0-1
  Oops! What a shocker, yet odd as Lawro sees QPR in the Europa Cup in 2013.
Liverpool v Sunderland  2-0    3-0
  See, told you. It’s like a blind spot....  Liverpool v blurred vision therefore insignificant

Newcastle v Everton  2-1   1-2  
Still banging on about Newcastle. Everton get a bonus goal for ‘best wig in the premier league’

Why so many ‘2’ score lines? Lawro's dodgy dice. Scientific video evidence and you’ll understand:

3) Garth Crooks’ Team of the Week
    December 3rd, 2012.
So, what is the problem you may ask? Well, it is this - West Ham 3 - 1 Chelsea. So, the 45+ minutes in which West Ham ripped Chelsea apart results in Juan Mata making the team of the week. I actually choked while drinking my tea and reading this. Not sure on Garth’s selection system but I suspect the criteria for selection could be this (in order of significance):
1: Plays for either Man Utd, Chelsea or Liverpool
2: Has cool hair.
3: Is relatively unknown but as a selection flags up Garth’s broad footballing knowledge.
4: Has one name only.
5: Does not play for West Ham.
6: Used to play for West Ham but clearly a better player for leaving.
So, there you have it. West Ham played well as a team and therefore it was tough to identify any individual players. Thought it was a team game. Ha!

 And finally...

4) Post match coverage of West Ham v Manchester United - FA Cup.
Y
es, Robin Van Persie is a great player, as is Ryan Giggs, but when you take a macro look at how the game was reported on, West Ham, the players or coach were hardly mentioned. The media did make a surprisingly big deal over Joe Cole returning home. Cole provided both crosses for Collins to score his brace. The Hammers started with young Potts in the starting 11. That’s a story in itself. BBC coverage, tweets and headlines were pandering to the worldwide audience of Man Utd supporters sucked in by clever marketing. 
I do respect the thousands of Man Utd, Chelsea etc supporters who have been around their clubs for years. For me, there has to be a reason you support a club. Maybe it’s where you grew up, or a family tradition. Good for those people. The fair-weather supporters are the issue.
Yes, it is professional football and that ensures winning only matters. Out there on the muddy fields of grass roots football it may not be. Imagine the uproar if a team that always wins now play a weaker team - and for a change keep 2 or 3 of their better players on the bench. Then, seeing his / her team are actually going to lose to the weaker team, the coach puts on a couple of his stars. Of course its not going to happen in the Premier League. But it would be more interesting for the rest of us.
How long will the boycott last? Not long. Seriously, I'm looking forward to this weekend and a cutting comment from Fergie, Lawro predicting a 0-2 loss for the Hammers at Sunderland, no one apart from the golden boys making Garth's team and reporting that ignores the unfashionable. Have a smashing week. I'm off to tweet pointlessly at BBC Sport.