Relegation means only one thing...

Millwall twice next year - that's what.

West Ham United are down. It’s taken me a few weeks to be able to write about it. Of course, it’s happened before - in my 42 years of life it’s happened about 5 times. It’s part of the deal when you support a team because you’re family is from that place.  You don’t get to choose. There aren’t many ‘fair weather’ supporters at Upton Park. Only 250 yards from my Grandparent’s house is a gap in the 2-up-2-down terrace housing. That’s where a bomb fell during the war. That kind of experience defines a community and gives them something you cannot reproduce. It’s a hardened ‘stick at it’ through thick and thin kind of attitude. When Grandad Self died he didn’t have a fortune to pass on, or a beach house in Florida. His house had two rooms up and two rooms down. The bathroom was outside and the greenhouse sat in place of the Anderson Shelter he built for Nan and my Dad. The smell of tomato plants will always remind me of John Robert Self.

So, no fair-weather supporters in the East End of London. Actually, they don’t exist at most clubs. I’ve never heard of a kid asking for a Doncaster Rovers shirt for his birthday off the back of the club’s fantastic run in the Champions League. Currently the fair-weather gang hang out at Chelsea and Manchester United. You’ll see a few slip across town to Manchester City soon - unless UEFA can really implement changes that shuts down obscene spending by billionaire owners.

Relegation

My childhood was all about following this yo-yo team, the Irons. Most kids at school were Liverpool fans. Steve and Ian, the two lads who I spent my primary and secondary school life with followed Liverpool. At that time they were totally dominant in Europe and the ‘This is Anfield’ sign as you walk through the tunnel really meant something. West Ham haven’t won at Anfield for 48 years - might as well say 49 now too. Spurs and Arsenal were popular, both having regular cup runs. Arsenal have changed totally since then. The ‘boring, boring Arsenal’ days have truly gone, thank God. 

The 1979/80 season was a classic for the Hammers. Division 2, Brooking, Devonshire, Lampard, Bonds... The team put a magical cup run together beating Everton in a semi-final replay (winning goal scored by Frank Lampard - who promptly ran to the far corner flag and danced around it). The FA Cup final was pitched as a ‘David v Goliath’ affair. West Ham v Arsenal, who were playing in their third cup final in a row.  The previous year Arsenal had beaten Manchester United 3-2 in arguably the best final ever. 

The week leading up to the game was interesting. Brian Clough took a cheap shot at Trevor Brooking. Billy Bonds which stitches in his head was up in front of the FA Discipline Board to plead his case to play. Then my dad came home and said he had got tickets for the game.... Twenty Six English pounds secured us two tickets in the Arsenal end about ten rows apart. I sat on my own waving my Hammers Flag (stuck to a garden cane) and watched the 1980 Cup Final. Of course, the Irons won 1-0. A thirteenth minute header from Trevor Brooking (up yours, Clough) was enough - Paul Allen made history as the youngest player to play in the final and was remember for being fouled while off on a one-on-one with Pat Jennings. He got up and shook Young’s hand and the nation melted.

I don’t remember much about the game - I was eleven at the time. It was magic though - the goal and going crazy. The nice Arsenal fans around me. When we got back to Rayleigh I ran around the street waving my flag and knew, at last, I could return to school a proud Hammers fan. 

It’s funny though - relegation this year didn’t really surprise me. Without Scott Parker West Ham did not win and lost many leads in important games as well as losing at home - which is a death knell for any team. The day I sat with the Academy Coaches v Liverpool was proof of this demise. Grant, who never seemed to interact with the coaching staff, was again unable to change the tactics during the game. West Ham’s early lead was reduced to one and the anxiety around Upton Park was palpable. Cole grabbed a late third and the weight was off the shoulders. It could have been a different story - the Hammers sat back on their lead and failed to deny Liverpool space to play. So they played.

I will say this though - having seen Manchester United be destroyed (again) by Barcelona in the Champions League Final, I’d take relegation over experiencing that. The English Premier League was odd this season, partly because it followed a Summer World Cup. Players never get to rest - Arsenal could have won the League but threw it away. The Champions League final was pitched as a ‘classic’ and the two teams playing conjured up some great memories. But we are talking about a Man Utd team that got thumped 4-0 at Upton Park this season. Forget what the media says about English football, it’s all hype. The Spanish, French, German players looking for silly money are all in at English Clubs. You should ask yourself where the Dutch are - not in England. They’ve worked it out. So has the Academy. They focus on Barcelona’s style of play and uses it as an example for the young and talented players at West Ham. Even though Man Utd were poor - we should remember that of the three Englishmen to start for them, two were West Ham United Academy players. I think Fergie needs a few more...

So, back to blogging about life, soccer and the happy Hammers. Let’s face it, there are some great benefits of playing in the Championship. So, to wrap things up here are my top five ‘relegation pros and cons’. Feel free to write your own list. Manchester United fans you can join in too with a ‘Champions League Final category. Make sure number one in the cons list is ‘playing crap in front of 300 million people’.

Reasons why Relegation is bad....

1. You lose a shit load of money
2. You have to travel to places like Hull, Doncaster and Leeds
3. Fox Soccer Channel doesn’t show your games (unless you draw Spurs in the Cup)
4. The only way you can beat Spurs is by drawing them in the Cup
5. Your team sponsor ends up being Durex 

Reasons why relegation is great....

1. You don’t have to play Spurs
2. You get to play Millwall TWICE and kick the crap out of their supporters
3. You win a bunch of games
4. Tickets are cheaper and easier to get
5. You get a discount on condoms at the chemists with your ‘Hammers’ membership card.